So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
