the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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