in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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