i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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