I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
