in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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