One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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