this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
