so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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