According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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