I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
