matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
