I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
