the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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