Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
