24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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