At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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