mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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