Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
