someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
