Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
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I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
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Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize