Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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