i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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