i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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