I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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