if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
