If that was your dad, he is hot
are you so shy because you have an std?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
