yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
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I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
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THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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