Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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