Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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