I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How naked do you want me to be?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
