you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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