it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
