escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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