i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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