hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
