Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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