I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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