Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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