I only kidnapped one of them. chill
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dick very happy bro
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
