they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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