i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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