I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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