My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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