U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
