maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
