College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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