Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
