I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
