Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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