I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
