We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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