On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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