Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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