Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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