We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
