Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize