Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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